What Now?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Where am I? Can somebody tell me? Who am I? What is this I'm dealing with? These are among the questions that swarm my mind at this point. You know what they say about change. That it's the only constant thing in this world and blah. I have long accepted that but never have I expected that it can come aplenty at once. Was this ever in the definition of change or was I blind enough not to see it was actually there?

Was I too comfortable with the life I had not so long ago? Was I terribly "used to" the way it has been? Is this the price I pay for not being too ready?

Did I ever entertain the fact that I'd be handling almost a new set of people at work or was I just so optimistic that change will hit me slowly? Will I be able to cope with this or will I meet Mr. Epic Fail this time? For the longest time I have been trying to be flexible with work, with the tasks I have and with the people I face almost everyday. But to bend me this much is something I'm unsure to endure.

When was the last time I told myself that I was ready to settle down with the one I love? It seemed to me as though it was just yesterday. But what is this that I'm faced with right now? Has it gone to waste now that I'm broken? Is this what they meant when they said "People come and go?" If so, must I say I wasn't completely ready yet? Am I ready to face history repeat itself? Or should I just dump the long experience they say is called " true love?" Will I be happy if ever I take the wrong path again and will I ever get any consolation at all? Should I decide now, later, soon or never?

I don't know where home is now that I'm lost. But even if I knew the way home, would I ever recognize it now that it's no longer the way it was 5 years ago? Can anyone point to me which door to enter, which room to choose and how to start as if nothing much has changed? What time should I sleep, eat and go to work? Is the time over here still the same with that of others'? Should I secure another calendar to guide me with the right date or do I rather need a map to lead me to a specific direction as compared to my obscure route now?

The answers to all these questions remain unclear, unseen and unheard of. As of this writing I don't know what to do, how to deal with all these changes at once and how I could possibly move forward without dropping the ball. I fear failure and I know it's just around the corner. All I'm certain of is I have to be strong, lead by example to my subordinates without showing the weak part of me. I have to deal with these in any way that I see beneficial.

With fingers crossed, here it goes...

Tell me, how should I start?

What now???