A Painfully Funny Experience

May 11, 2011 was the date I had my tonsils out. Believe me, you wouldn't want to have your tonsils out too. The days that followed seemed like a very slow-paced chapter of pain. Seconds seemed like minutes, minutes like hours and hours like days. I never expected the pain to be that much though it was relatively obvious what I was getting myself into.

Days before the "big day," I placed myself into preparation of what I was headed to. A bit of research, viewing of actual surgery via YouTube and even heading to forums to see how people who have submitted themselves for "holy" tonsillectomy had to say were few things that kept me busy. The funny thing was me getting more frustrated and terrified to undergo the said operation right after seeing how tonsillectomy is actually done. Repeatedly convincing myself that tonsillectomy was something common and "minor" was apparently of no aid as well. I knew it was a bad move for my paranoia but eventually I realized that those acts were very helpful and worth-it.

It was late last year when my doctors strongly advised me to have my tonsils removed yet surprisingly, it took me a quarter to convince myself that it was for my own good. One can't blame me for being such a scaredy-cat; my dad was afraid of needles too! By this time, assuming that I've inherited some sort of phobia of needles, getting hospitalized and the like is very safe. Over that long span of time, internal debates have been going on though I knew beforehand what the bottom-line would be. And at long last, I have finally decided to leave my fears away and go for the win-win situation.
When the day finally came, I was trying to suppress my fear amid the light atmosphere in Chong Hua Hospital's operating room. Everyone seemed happy for a reason I never knew. Thoughts were swallowing my consciousness that time and the feeling of getting executed dawned on me big time. Around 9:00 in the morning, they brought me to operating room 4 (if I'm not mistaken). Yes, I would have to admit that it was my first time to see the inside of an operating room; pretty impressive and very similar to those that you see in the movies. However, I had a heterogeneous mix of feelings that made me so uneasy inside. My blood pressure sky-rocketed and I was staring at that monitoring device the same way one would watch the movie Titanic. Looking back at myself make me laugh at times. I felt like someone whose hat was that of a dunce's. All of a sudden, something was injected through the IV and the person who did it smiled and said, "this is for you to relax." The first dose seemed to have escaped my system as my stats were not giving them the results they have expected. So they had to give me another shot and *poof* I couldn't remember anything that happened next. The following scenes would be subject for censorship, trust me.

I woke up in the recovery room, painless but felt weird. An hour passed and I was sent to my own room ton "enjoy" my stay there. It turned out that the real recovery room was my own room.

Post-operation day one was not that bad. In fact, I wasn't in as much pain as I was in the successive days. I was getting more pain as days passed by. It reached the point when I wanted to give up but knew that there wasn't really such option since my tonsils already departed my body. Tears were the best comfort I got. Even my all-time favorite, Ice cream, didn't help me from being in a "not-so-happy-camper" mood. Pain was getting on my nerves too much that even my pain relievers were the inflicter of pain through my veins. It even came to a point where swallowing my own saliva was the least thing I would have wanted to do.

Days 3-7 were the most painful days during post-operation period. I am on my 10th day as of writing and pain has significantly faded though I still experience periods of sudden pain that would make me want to stay in bed and play dead.

Tonsillectomy was never a delight at all but it was the best option for me never to experience tonsillitis again. After all that I've been through, I could say I have won over my fears.

At this point, I place all modesty aside in saying I am tonsil-free and I made it!

Of Life, Lush and Love

Oftentimes people stop, think and eventually ask themselves where they are headed to. Ironically, I wasn't part of that comprehensive list. At some point I told myself, "am I really going somewhere?" It was the most mature question I have asked myself by far. 22 years and running and yet I don't see a clear path as to what I really want to be and where I want to be. My brother told me it's fine, he went through the same dilemma before. But he didn't stop there. Then I realized that I had to pick myself up from the desert-setting and put myself to a road eventually leading somewhere. Good point! The difficult question was "how?" Do I really have a plan for myself or do I rely on what may come my way? To tell you honestly I do not hold the answer to that question yet but I know I have to have a say and a firm decision.

Looking at my past tells me that I have been gearing toward the brighter side of life. But does it really have to stop there? What if I have reached that point where people would see the big difference in me, would I then be free to say I've won my race? At work, where I feel under-appreciated, I continue to do what I know is right despite the fact that nobody acknowledges or even sees it. It becomes a question on whether I work to please them or myself. With the way it goes, I could say that I would eventually end up pleasing myself for the untainted leadership that I have contained in me since day one. My only consolation is the thought that I know I'm way better than them and my résumé could spare me from the explanations that you might demand from me. Apart from that, I tell myself that I wouldn't be able to bring their "acknowledgements" with me in the event that I decide for a change in career path. But despite those said, I'm still grateful for all the learning I had and I can't deny the fact that I'm enjoying my job as of yet.

Work is a mixed bag for me. Sadly, the same is true with the way my hypothalamus is going. Emotions wasted, tears shed and efforts all vanished - that was what I thought love would be. I was wrong. While they may be apparently true, I knew they were only a part of the entire learning process and not necessarily the real gist of love itself. Life is a risk; so is love. Every move you make could be your last. Sometimes no matter how you give it your best, if you're not bound to last you perhaps never will. Moreover, it's our choices that count the most. Staying away from potential trouble is the safest at that. Like any situation, it's best to see the pros and cons of any action before it gets executed. It is not always, though, that we are given the luxury of time to think before we act. In such, it becomes a toss between what your mind and your heart deems right. All these thoughts are learning from the past that I found to be very vital in any kind of relationship. At this point of constant learning, I try to look back and see what went wrong and how I could possibly do away with them at present. Like what they say, it's better safe than sorry.

It's tough to give yourself a direction when you don't even know where to start finding yourself. It's just like striving to reach a goal without knowing what that goal exactly is. Sadly, I was pertaining to myself. I'm lost right now; not even a GPS device can find me. All I know is I don't have all the time to stay stagnant and wait for the thermal wind to come before I decide to do something.

I am not getting any younger and I know I have to make a move. Starting may be a big challenge but never impossible.

What Now?

Where am I? Can somebody tell me? Who am I? What is this I'm dealing with? These are among the questions that swarm my mind at this point. You know what they say about change. That it's the only constant thing in this world and blah. I have long accepted that but never have I expected that it can come aplenty at once. Was this ever in the definition of change or was I blind enough not to see it was actually there?

Was I too comfortable with the life I had not so long ago? Was I terribly "used to" the way it has been? Is this the price I pay for not being too ready?

Did I ever entertain the fact that I'd be handling almost a new set of people at work or was I just so optimistic that change will hit me slowly? Will I be able to cope with this or will I meet Mr. Epic Fail this time? For the longest time I have been trying to be flexible with work, with the tasks I have and with the people I face almost everyday. But to bend me this much is something I'm unsure to endure.

When was the last time I told myself that I was ready to settle down with the one I love? It seemed to me as though it was just yesterday. But what is this that I'm faced with right now? Has it gone to waste now that I'm broken? Is this what they meant when they said "People come and go?" If so, must I say I wasn't completely ready yet? Am I ready to face history repeat itself? Or should I just dump the long experience they say is called " true love?" Will I be happy if ever I take the wrong path again and will I ever get any consolation at all? Should I decide now, later, soon or never?

I don't know where home is now that I'm lost. But even if I knew the way home, would I ever recognize it now that it's no longer the way it was 5 years ago? Can anyone point to me which door to enter, which room to choose and how to start as if nothing much has changed? What time should I sleep, eat and go to work? Is the time over here still the same with that of others'? Should I secure another calendar to guide me with the right date or do I rather need a map to lead me to a specific direction as compared to my obscure route now?

The answers to all these questions remain unclear, unseen and unheard of. As of this writing I don't know what to do, how to deal with all these changes at once and how I could possibly move forward without dropping the ball. I fear failure and I know it's just around the corner. All I'm certain of is I have to be strong, lead by example to my subordinates without showing the weak part of me. I have to deal with these in any way that I see beneficial.


With fingers crossed, here it goes...

Tell me, how should I start?

What now???

Ironically Ironic

In my venture into the corporate world I've realized that corruption is not a term exclusively coined for government or politics for that matter. I've seen a lot of similarities between the outside world and the "formal" internal of the corporate world. Nothing's new in my opinion - crime, politics to mention a few are also real life situations in a company too. Placing into context the nation's sitting in possessing quite a number of incompetent people makes me remember how it is in work. The best thing is I'm not the only one who has noticed it. Well, it's basically the irony of life. Not everyone has the guts to spill it out and voice out.

You'd agree with me when I say that life isn't only ironic; it's unfair too. Notice how much people give a damn about hierarchy? Look at the real-life setting in this side of the world, is our faith in hierarchy working? Apparently not. We've elected a number of leaders who we want to be out of governance in the long run. Could it be because of wrong choices? I'll leave that for you to answer. If majority have indeed picked the wrong people in power, don't you think it's unfair to the people who never wanted those leaders to be in those positions?


It seems like the injustice doesn't end there. It exists in the corporate world too. Take a closer look at how we have to kiss ass just to please bigwigs. I'm sure, there will always be someone in any company better than them but despite that, we conform to their demands. Adding insult to injury, we can't even be straightforward in addressing what is bluntly going wrong. We need to be like a kitten trying to get a point across with a very little voice as much possible. Well trust me, it doesn't work all the time and it doesn't necessarily have to be like that as well. After all, what's so wrong with being straightforward in stressing out what you think and know is right?

With all those said, I come up with a simple thought - if government can get lambasted because of poor performance or even with simple lapses then why can't it be possible in the corporate world? Your first argument would most probably be that government and the corporate world are two separate sectors. I say - If government earn revenue from its people and private companies earn from its employees then what sets the big difference?

If this archipelago is covered by the so-called "democracy" then I suppose that companies cannot, in any way, hinder that to pass through their windows. We need to exercise a right we, more often than not, abandon. Because at the end of the day someone has to voice out and do the right thing even if it means being deviant.

Identity Crisis

It's 4:17 dawn (PST) and I know this isn't really the usual time to write blogs but something just pushed me to do so - identity crisis. Scanning through the TV channels brought me to another dimension. For a moment, I felt like being so "different."

Over the years, this country has faced too much bitter reality - from colonization to corruption, down to poverty. Now, it is again faced with an aggravated concern - Identity crisis. It can be remembered how this country has been too influenced by the Western culture; today is no different. From the way we, its citizens, dress up to the language we strive to perfect, along with the products we prefer, and now even with music we do not understand clearly gives an indication that Juan Dela Cruz is in deep trouble. The pressing question right now is, where is Juan de la Cruz and Maria Clara when we need them most?


I find it absurd that Filipino preference has somehow changed compared to that from decades ago. Ironically, we have become too superficial to the extent of actually over-embodying globalization. Take a look at our local TV channels, aren't we more Korean than Filipino? Don't we love listening to Korean music than that of our own? Take a look at the hair style trend today, do you see a trace of nationalism? Don't we find singing songs without understanding a single word from them odd? Is it just with the melody or are we really going way beyond superficial?

Have we surrendered our nationalism for the sake of being "in?" Just recently, Pinoy KPop emerged. The good thing is, it's in Filipino. However, it doesn't sound right. But despite that, people still embraced it. You're asking why? Simple. It's because it doesn't sound "Filipino, bakya, baduy, cheap or corny." It's sad to know that the youth, our country's hope tomorrow, has become foreign to their own motherland. Will we ever have an untainted identity of our own? Or is it just a domino effect of what our past has brought us?

No matter how we pretend to be one of "them," nothing will ever change the fact that the blood that runs through our veins is Filipino. It's hard to change what has long been a trend but it's only when we embrace the right change will we be able to restore our real identity as one FILIPINO nation.

Man's Weakest Aspect - Emotion

I was seated before a vast area of water - blue and calm. The scenery, the environment and the people paired with the food on top of a plastic stool did the trick - a simple example of what I'd like to call "100% Dumaguete." The Rizal Boulevard, being among the main people-magnets in the locality, is the center of most events; often giving the people of this "Gentle" city a satisfying dose of priceless and genuine fun. Despite the wonderful things said and observed, there is one drawback - beggars. Don't get me wrong, my heart bleeds by just seeing them. It's just that I don't let my emotions take dominion over my entirety.


Filipinos as we are, we cannot help but be sympathetic at times to the extent of going way beyond the limits. A lot of Filipinos find it very easy to give alms to those who apparently have nothing despite the fact that they too have their own share of struggles, or shall I say, are close to having nothing as well. Putting that aside, Filipinos don't seem to see the other side of the coin, all they see is the good that is evident whenever they tolerate giving of alms and perhaps feeding the beggars. What the majority fail to realize is the downside of it.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." That's it, I think I just made my point. The moment you give beggars what they are begging for, you are contributing to their laziness thus making them believe that they could just easily survive and make it a habit, or more like a lifestyle. But how about the young beggars, you ask? It's of the same logic. No matter how young those beggars are, you are to remember that majority of them, if not all, have parents. Parents who keep on expanding the already big family. Parents who don't take full responsibility of their offspring. And worst of all, they are parents who treat their children as slaves and make them beg around the city to feed the entire family. Our emotion is the culprit for this outbreak. Our emotion is to blame.

Just imagine how it feels to cry at the most heartbreaking part of your favorite TV series; the same feeling you have when your favorite pet died or perhaps the feeling of extreme sadness for you being totally broke while in college. It's all a play of emotions. These emotions are innate in us but can sometimes be controllable depending on how set your mentality. Didn't you ever wonder why you see a lot of advertisements that don't really make sense or are nearly fictitious but at the end of the day you get to appreciate them because they trigger your emotions? It's a principle of advertising that diverts your attention and lets you focus merely on emotion to create a huge impact. Emotions can sometimes be dangerous and deceiving. Be wise enough to stay away from the trap before it's too late.

I have a heart for those unfortunate people out there who have less to very little in life. However, making them rely on what the others provide is adding insult to injury to their saddening situation. Until when will they remain as such? When will they ever get to stand for themselves and think of something acceptable to do that could uplift their way of living? Perhaps, people who tolerate begging in this planet are the ones who can give the best resolution to this aggravating frustration. And just in case you thought I forgot to include something, allow me to give a generous amount of blame to the government for this. Part of our taxes that disappeared into thin air could have been allotted to projects for those beggars in the light of giving them even a little spark of hope in life.

Crime - It's Everywhere

I know it is a bit too late to react and comment about the dreadful crime that occurred in the country's metropolis lately but nevertheless, I shall pour my outburst on it before it flies away and dies a sudden death.

While the Quirino Grandstand hostage taking may have pushed the country into the spotlight, such happening placed the nation in bad light as well. It has reaped the attention of many, not discounting the shame and criticisms procured. So, what is it that makes this controversial topic a big deal?


Disrespect. Sometimes, sweeping generalizations can be an idiot's best friend. People who fall under such tend to point the blaming finger to an entire race instead of just doing so to the person responsible for the bloodshed. Don't get me wrong, I grieve for those lives who were swept by destiny's cruelty as well but what I simply cannot accept is the fact that along with the incident came a flood of comments lambasting us as a totality to the extent of calling our country a hotspot for prostitution and the like. Never can it be in line with the incident nor would it be an aftermath. So to those who think our country is terribly awful just because of that, just drop it and mind your own country's business. Remember that such crisis could occur in any country as well and when it does, it knows no race. The mistake of one can never be the mistake of over 90 million people as well.

Hate. Several citizens from various countries have established hate to our nation, belittling any person who resides in it. While it may be a hateable incident, such emotion isn't deserved by all of the Filipinos especially with hospitality and gentleness of the majority as a few of our primary defenses. In a set of 100 people, there will always be someone who will practice deviance for reasons beyond the acceptable. The answer to why that happens is widely known - humans by nature posses a certain degree of evil. I can only stress this enough, crime is everywhere and it doesn't choose a country. If I were to react the same way other people from other races did, I would have a long list of countries who have abused, killed and humiliated the people with the same nationality as mine.


Shame. Along with the damages done, shame with what Mendoza did surrounds the entire nation. One can feel the shame by just learning the news that the Philippines is now marked as an unsafe place to head to, not just from the standpoint of Hong Kong or surrounding countries but possibly with other countries too. Yes, it may be a fact that tourists were killed in this country but have you checked the history of your country for similar cases? There could even be worse cases reported (or not) but nevertheless, Filipinos didn't over react to the situation.

My disappointment over what happened doesn't stop here. Unless justice is served, this country will continually be faced with the same issues. Let this be a call to the Philippine government to provide justice for the victims. This serves as a challenge to the authorities as well to improve safety and security here. Enough is enough! We've been having too much issues with the efficiency of the police and similar agencies and I think it is high time to put an end to it. To people who have something ghastly to say about the Philippines, reserve your comments and check your country first before you start nitpicking. By then you'll realize that no country is perfect and that criminals are swarming this planet.