Don't Stop Dreaming and Believing

Since I was a child, the thought of being in the limelight never failed to catch my fancy. Performers, television hosts, radio personalities and even actors were just some of the people I looked up to back then.

There is no denying that I grew up as a very ambitious child and I feel no shame in saying so. Since I don’t pay taxes for my dreams, it’s better to dream big. After all, there’s nothing to lose when all else fails. In fact, scanning my high school year book can already be enough proof to describe how ambitious I can be at times. “I want to be a famous actor” answers the question about my ambition based on my yearbook. Ironic describes my reaction right after reading it, four years past the birth of my yearbook. I was huge back then, which probably was the reason behind why it was ironic for me. However, the irony didn’t seem to stop me from dreaming and I knew nothing else could hinder me from aiming further but myself.

High school didn’t really turn out to be the perfect avenue for me to prove that I can have my own fair share of achievements I could contribute and share with my family. The four years spent was more of like fun on top of knowledge-seeking. I was the ordinary school boy/brat who goes to school, talks a lot in class, hangs out with peers, and worst, the mediocre student whose life was not pointed at any particular direction. In short, I was a total nobody back then, no achievements, nothing to brag and be proud of. But along the way, I experienced a major realization and that was the thought that life doesn’t end there. For as long as I exist, it’s not yet too late to make a 360-degree turn and make the most out of what is given to me.

My first few years in college seemed to me as a no-brainer. Nothing as significant and extravagant as expected arose that much or maybe it was just mere mediocrity that prompted me to say so. Still, direction was nowhere to be seen in the situation and I was already losing grip on the high hope of experiencing something life-changing. Though the mindset that I was a person with no achievements was at its peak that time, I continued to dream. It came to me in a shock when somebody sat down with me and talked about me, my attitude and my life. I felt the urge for honesty that time and decided to call myself a non-achiever in front of that person. It took me more than an hour to let his words sink into my consciousness especially those that said “it’s not that you’re not an achiever, it’s just that you don’t notice that you have some.” That instance was exactly what I was waiting for years already. It somehow felt like a slap of reality to me and if there is one thing I learned about it, the thought that we need to be slapped on the face occasionally to be able to wake up would be it. From that time on, I started to dream more. Weeks after, I decided to list down a checklist of goals before I leave the portals of Silliman University. The checklist includes: to become a regular Radio Personality of Killer Bee 95.1, be part of the Luce Auditorium Corpse of Ushers and Usherettes, join the Debate Society, become a Campus Ambassador and the most ambitious of all, host Miss Silliman.

Months after, the name Jayvee became familiar to a lot of listeners of Killer Bee. I then started a life of a radio personality. It was the first time I treated an achievement as it is because I then knew that not everybody can be given the opportunity to be a radio personality. Then I said to myself “one down, four more to go.” Five months later another opportunity came, an opportunity that didn’t even give me an option to say no. It was to be the news editor of the Weekly Sillimanian. Though it wasn’t part of my personal checklist, I accepted the challenge. Thereafter, I became oblivious for a moment that it was actually another achievement for me.

The rain of good things didn’t stop as UTV, the only television talk show in the Visayas produced and directed by students, opened its doors for me. Being the floor emcee of the said talk show made me realize one thing: good things come to those who wait.

Not so long after, I was requested to host Miss Silliman. It felt like being on cloud nine the time I grabbed the offer. For a lot of people, it may not be so much of a big deal but for me, it is. Years before, I used to be among the audience cheering for a certain candidate. But during that day, I was seen holding the microphone and hosting the oldest campus-based beauty pageant. The 25^th of August will always remind me that I once achieved a dream that I thought would remain as such.

Today, I no longer see myself as the old lousy, mediocre non-achiever. Everybody is actually an achiever if people just look deeper into the real essence of life. One doesn’t need to cross bridges and oceans to attain achievements for even the simplest success stories can spur into attaining the biggest achievements.

All it takes is just patience coupled with determination. My existence and yours per se is already an achievement. For a lot of students, getting good grades, excelling in co-curricular activities already mean achievements. Look around and see that you yourself are an achiever. Once you start dreaming, make sure to make it grand and do not ever question its probability for nobody is a master of the future but the creator Himself.

Never stop dreaming and believing because dreams do come true.

Don't Fake It!

I know it's a bit too late for this but you know how it goes. "Better late than later" Whooops! Make that Better late than never. LOL

The Campus by the sea, considered as one of the most prestigious universities in the country, recently underwent an instant make-over thanks to the PAASCU accreditation. The campus is clearly a landmark in the city but then the already beautiful spot turned much better in a snap of a finger. Because of this, many people have resorted to queries such as "why and why now?" Those are only few questions that still seek answers up to date.

It's a surprise to see the elevator of the Arts and Sciences Building operational after such a long time of "rest," I really thought it was eternal already. It wasn't really used for any other occasion but for the accreditation per se. What's worst is the fact that only accreditors were able to use it. That's if they were indeed able to use the facility. Frankly, most of the buildings were repainted and landscapes can be seen around the campus. Not only that, the presence of signage became a trend that time and is still evident at the moment. I hate to say this but Silliman University gave its plastic smile to the accreditors. Weeks before the scheduled date of accreditation, a lot of aesthetic enhancements were rushed for completion just to meet the so-called "deadline."

I find it really pathetic the fact that students weren't able to dress freely during the whole duration of the accreditation. NO SLIPPERS ALLOWED; WEAR YOUR IDs; MEMORIZE THE MISSION, VISION AND OBJECTIVES OF THE UNIVERSITY; and the most pathetic among all is the sudden presence of the SEAT PLAN were among the numerous policies that the teachers, or shall I say the University, strictly imposed. All these and more occurred ONLY during the accreditation period. Talking about being scripted!

I believe that the university killed its culture that time and even though my perception of it being the second best school in the country is intact, I couldn't help but be appalled. It is worth taking note that the instruction should be the topmost priority during the accreditation, not anything else. Teachers who don't deserve such title and position are still roaming around the vicinity, accepting what the parents of students pay the institution.

I just hope all those stunts will work for the accreditors because if it won't, it could be a slap on the face for the whole Silliman community and likewise a pain in the ass for the people responsible for the abrupt changes.

Recycled?!

The Philippines, with its rich culture, imaginative and talented citizens, is now experiencing a shortage or more appropriately called a recycling of ideas and it is very evident in local television. Recycling stuff is a good thing and everybody knows that but it doesn't necessarily have to reach the shores of our local television networks. For one, it makes a lot of people think that we are currently experiencing a shortage of creativity and skill. Not only that, it gives others an impression that we settle for the familiar rather than explore other good stuff and be proud that we have a rich collection of our own.

At this point you might be wondering what I am exactly referring to. I suppose it's not hard to scan your television channels during night time and see what's hot or what's not. Darna, for example, is a story that has become widely known to a lot of Filipinos and I believe it has been seen for millions (pardon the exaggeration) of times on silver screens or TV sets and for a lot of Filipinos, it may be considered hot but I personally think otherwise. Having said that, you might be led to think that I dislike the aforementioned novel. Don't get me wrong. I admire the novel but what I am not happy about is the fact that it can be recalled by many that Darna was aired years back; actually in just less than a decade. There's no denying that Angel Locsin's image as Darna can still be recalled by the majority. Probably the worst thing about this is that the story was previously shown in the same television network only with a different set of cast this time around. I have nothing against the new face of Darna or her new costume but the big deal for me here is the failure to explore and feature more Filipino stories that deserve airtime spots as well. Why does it have to be Darna again? Can't any other fictional character be featured instead or does this indicate a degradation of the Philippine television's quality and creativity? I do not wish to think that our local TV networks' think tanks are getting lazier year after year but it is apparently what I see. The gap from the previous Darna to the present one can be counted using one hand only and I'm convinced that there should be something done to avoid cases like this. Though I saw a high probability of Darna being visible again to Filipinos through television or other forms of media, I didn't expect it to come sooner than expected. What I find funny is the undying support and patronage of Filipinos for stories despite having repeatedly featured/aired on television. It really makes me think that we either don't have any other choice but to watch what's fed to us over television, we don't get bored with the common or we just watch it because that "beautiful" lady's face can be seen again—this time as the new Darna.

Unfortunately, it's not just Darna that is faced with the same fate. Our local television networks also started the remakes of foreign TV series that once captured Juan de la Cruz's attention. I didn't even know that copying story ideas from foreign countries could even be taken into consideration also. I hate to say this but the way I see it, we just don't give a damn about what these local networks are airing. For as long as we're entertained, we don't bother whether the ones we are watching are copied, recycled or doesn't make sense at all.

Honestly, I don't know whether I should feel happy with the present TV shows given the remakes and "recycling" as I'd rather call them. This particularly gives me the urge to get the remote control and either change channel or turn off the television set.

Because I Should

Ego and pride sometimes drive us crazy to the extent that we get blinded and we find it hard to accept that we did something wrong. It's sometimes hard to sink in and convince ourselves that it is us who just did the mistake. In my case, I feel probably twice that and it might be because of my pride. Sometimes it's easier to pass the blame to other people when in fact it is not their fault. It is an instance I find hard to explain and further discuss for a reason I do not really know. But despite me not wanting to be in the hot seat, I sometimes feel apologetic especially to the one I love.

"Sorry seems to be the hardest word" as a line of a song goes and I find a lot of sense in it. The easiest culprit to pinpoint and blame why some of us are faced with it is extreme pride. As far as my opinion is concerned, a moderate level of pride is normal since the lack of it means something different, something more of a bad thing to me as it seems. But how do we really get about eradicating too much pride? The answer: I don't really know. Maybe it really varies from one person to another and maybe it's rightful that we find out for ourselves how we can learn to spot and accept our mistakes and eventually apologize. Pride can be very dangerous. Too much of it can cause undesirable situations that could possibly lead to hurting other people's feelings or even hurting ourselves in the process.

For me, what works best is to remember that I am a human being, prone to failures and mistakes and I do not discount the fact that I have failed a lot of times or even more than I currently know. I have learned to say sorry despite the hurting ego and the uncomfortable situation. It feels good sometimes to acknowledge a fault and it is understandable at a certain extent.

So the next time you're caught in an undesirable situation of saying sorry or not, think deep whether it is really your fault or not. Do not fool yourself because it won't help solve any dilemma there is. Just be frank and accept that you're likewise human; you commit mistakes and most of all, you are never perfect. Try it, it might work for you.

Love or Lust?

Oftentimes people get to use words which may not be appropriate or those of totally different meaning. Frustratingly, among those commonly misused words is love.

By definition, love means to feel tender affection for somebody. If that is so, what then separates love from lust? The word lust per se doesn’t really involve deep feelings; it is mere physical attraction rather than emotional attraction in short.

What’s strange about love is its complexity. Even the bible has its own definition, or more of like a checklist, of what love is: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves...” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-1. It doesn’t just stop there as it gets more complicated with the many types of love. But who really cares about complications? A lot of us love complications anyway. It just proves that we don’t settle for less most of the time. The irony now comes in as a lot of people are fine with just lusting.

Perhaps one reason why people choose lust over love is fear. When you love, you risk a lot of things and there’s even more to that. Love is a very demanding word. It asks a lot or shall I say, demands a lot. The fear of hurting to most, if not all of us, is one barrier or reason for us to keep ourselves from loving. But come to think of it, there’s just this thin line between love and hurting. As they say, it is impossible to love without hurting. Why do we tend to seek the dark side when we have an option to see the lighter side in the first place?

For a couple of months now, I opted to stay away from complications, from commitment, from love. This is not because I am afraid of hurting but because I no longer want to hurt somebody else. Sometimes, it’s better to stay away from something good because that good mean the exact opposite to somebody. It doesn’t necessarily have to end there. If there’s a problem within you that calls for a change then, by all means, do so. After all, there’s no harm in trying and I believe there’s nothing wrong to choose to be better.

When somebody comes and knocks at your door, don’t settle for lust, instead, take the extra mile, risk, and use your right to love. If you find happiness in it, there should be no hesitation at all. You can never tell how long that person who makes you happy can stay. If the person doesn’t stay for long then don’t force it! There must be a reason for him/her not to make it in the next chapters of your life. If it didn’t work, at least you tried. That doesn’t make you lesser a person anyway.

Life is merely about choices. In each chapter of your life you will encounter choices which are tantamount to your life’s direction and it’s just up to you on what path to take. Go for something that makes life worthwhile. Life is too short to just play around with and it’s worth noting, most of all, that you are entitled to one lifetime only. We may not have everything it takes to enjoy life but we’re given this life to enjoy everything as much as we could. Opt for the best and don’t settle for something below your capability. Take the risk and exercise your privilege to love. Live life to its fullest and soon enough, you’ll see how good it can get.

A Dream Turned Reality

The past few days went great and I never felt any happier in my entire life. What marks the smile on my face at the moment is the memories worth reminiscing; those that either strengthen my emotional or intellectual capability or even both. I am happy to have established something far better than the best of the failed relationships I had before.

The mere thought that the relationship doesn't just involve mere love is something that is not common in every relationship. The way I see it, the relationship gives the two of us the opportunity to grow emotionally, intellectually and even spiritually. Arguments normally arise in every relationship and I do not discount the fact that we have our own fair share at times but what makes ours different is the fact that we argue to make each other better persons. I feel thankful that we haven't and hopefully will not reach the point of hurting each other enough yet and I believe it has something to do with our relationship's security.

The sense of security lessens the chances of jealousy and conflicts about third parties and I am happy to have met a person whom I can trust so much. The assurance that the our love will remain as radiant as the morning sun every time we wake up is a first in my case. The constant awakening to reality is sometimes painfully done but I acknowledge the fact that it is thrown at each other constructively; something I find ironically romantic.

Romance became another word the moment I met my new love. The word became more significant and it's impact to me became a tad higher. Every kiss, hug and moment spent together seemed as if we were isolated somewhere far from the world's complicated side. It is funny and considerably corny to say that it feels like being in cloud nine. Being certain that more happy moments are yet to come, I no longer worry much about keeping the fire in our relationship burning. It is something that makes me undeniably proud.

I've never been so proud of my significant other as much as I do now. Perhaps it may not sound humble to say this but the thought that we belong to the same boat with the same cup of tea gives me the feeling that we have the right to be proud of achievements we have attained. I have never said this before and you shouldn't be surprised why. Years back, I was "nobody" in the society but, even though I may still be in that state, this time I am assured that I have a lot of things that common people are not gifted with. I recently realized that life shouldn't stop the moment you have fulfilled your dreams because as long as we exist, we are OUGHT to keep dreaming. But it is not just enough to dream, I suppose, because we do not dream just for the sake of it. I believe it is there for a purpose and that sole purpose is to motivate us to make that dream a realization.

I once dreamed of being in a relationship that I can surely be proud of but never did I expect it to come. Now, without any hesitation, I am glad to say that I

have finally fulfilled that dream.

Dissecting O.B.T.

What motivated me to start this blog was the need for an avenue for self-expression. Since then, writing has become one of the many ways to vent out my feelings and emotions. One Big Turn can be interpreted in many ways but it's primarily an assessment of my life's major turning points that aim to illustrate the changes I encounter in my day to day life. It doesn't just stop there, O.B.T. is an adventurous ride I'm engaged with; a ride that may bring about numerous life-changing scenarios that can either take me to a bright or dark path. O.B.T. shall be my online journal of just about anything that comes in mind.

The thrill of not knowing what's next in my journey is something that reflects this site's personality—unpredictability. Oftentimes I love being mysterious

and I feel delight especially when people get to think real hard just to come up with satisfactory conclusions about me. O.B.T. is no different, I see a great possibility of mystery in the hundreds, or perhaps thousands, of posts that lie ahead.

Life's a long, complicated trip. If you know how to ride, come with me and join me as I explore the complex world we're in. Let's then see what happens next...

Incomplete

I sat near my window taking a glance at the pale moon light

Staring ’till I forgot about the flight

I ended up seeing myself teary-eyed

Reminiscing the times when you were by my side

I never thought things would go this way

Our destiny sets both of us away

As I counted the remaining days

I ended up out of pace

I don’t know whom to blame

But i guess it’s all the same

Soon a part of me will be missing

And i’ll just end up reminiscing

Soon my life will no longer be the same again

I’ll no longer have a reason to smile by then

I know it will soon be goodbye

And all I can do is sigh

I’ll soon be obsolete

Because without you I’m incomplete

My Simple Fairy Tale

After years of hoping, wishing and waiting comes this moment I’m finally certain with. A chapter that will, finally, serve as an avenue for me to prove my worth and prove that I’m no longer taking the wrong path again. I do not expect to be the best of who I can be in a snap of a finger but what I can say at this point is I’m on my way there. I’m betting so much on this; so much that I’d do everything to keep this running smooth, unlike what I had in my past. It’s the first time for me to feel this good. Perhaps, also the first time for me to feel so secured and at the same time assured that the right person has come. I remember telling myself not to search for love and just let it knock on my door whenever the right time comes. I did, kept my patience and yes, my entire waiting paid off. It came to me in a shock that the two of us share a lot in common, from skills to interest, from personality to maturity and more that we are yet to decipher.

Realizing things about me that I’ve never noticed before was fun. I like the part when I was told that I talk a lot, because it never came into me before or maybe I was just so passive about it. Our past days spent together only meant a thing: that we meet at a common point. This relationship, I believe, is unlike any of my past relationships. We usually talk about matters that I later found as sensible ones, find joy in each other’s arms, and get contented with who we are in general. Trusting each other this much also added an assurance that we’re building a foundation strong enough to survive even the worst earthquake that the world may not have encountered yet.

If my past encounters didn’t turn out well, I’ll see to it that it will be the exact opposite this time. Now, I can safely say I’m in love; so safe that I’m not even bothered about a single thing yet. This doesn’t mean that ours is a perfect relationship because there isn’t anything like it at all, but we’d like to settle with the fact that this is far more ideal than our past encounters and because of that, we are so grateful to have found each other.

I may have lost a lot of material possessions but something greater than any of those possessions suddenly came into the scene and took center stage. I may have opted to turn down some of the very tempting opportunities but this time I cannot afford to turn down the rare opportunity to feel the happiness and the genuineness that I have long been deprived of. I just found a crying shoulder, constant supporter and a romantic lover; someone part of the minority who possess such qualities and somebody I’d be really proud of. I do not mind the constant slap of reality on my face because I know it’s exactly the field I’m often feeble in.

Because I have it now, I won’t let a day pass unhappy, unsettled and uncounted. I’ll love the best way I can, the way I know and the way I feel inside.